Pro Halo Players = Premature Ejaculators

According to Gizmodo, if you have quick reflexes, chances are you ejaculate too soon. The study of 200 dutch people showed scientists that those with a premature ejaculation problem all had a version of a gene that controls the release of serotonin. Which basically means if you have quick reflexes you aint good in bed is pretty much what theyve said.

So now theres another excuse for gamers to put on top players when they get owned. "You wet the bed loser!!!" "So what, least I can give my lady some satisfaction!!!"

See original article here

Article by: William Stephen

You can haz Halo 3: Recon...in late 2009

Hmmm. This is odd, and it makes me feel old yet again. Way back in the days of Halo 2 about 4 years ago or so, I was online playing with friends and suggested they make a Halo expansion pack that had four player online co-op (the lack of online co-op in Halo 2 was a big, big complaint back then as it has been expected) and let you play as UNSC troops to avoid plot holes. I argued about this repeatedly and was told to shut up and stop bitching a lot, which is usual. I guess great minds think alike as if we fast forward to 2008 things get interesting. Bungie have just announced Halo 3: Recon which is pretty much the same thing but built using the Halo 3 engine and for the 360 - not the original Xbox.

You won't get to play it for a long time though, not until late 2009. This is odd as most expansions on the PC like Kane's Wrath and Crysis: Warhead come out within a year or so of the original title's launch. Still, it is nice to see us finally getting new game content that isn't just a bunch of MP maps as that has been getting boring and predictable for the last say...five years? It is also good to see the console world getting an expansion pack for a console game, not just an expansion labelled as a sequel at full price (*cough* RAINBOW SIX VEGAS 2 *cough*) or a port of a PC expansion that has been out for a while already.

Hell, next thing we will be getting full blown RTS games on the 360! Oh, wait a second...

You can read more about this story here.

Article by: Edwin Jones

Pirates tell Bethesda to kiss their white ass

Yes, you read that right! Self confessed 'Pirates' from the website NZBsRus told Bestheda to kiss their "white ass" as well as stating "We are Pirates so deal with it." after the game Fallout 3 was leaked onto the internet.

According to the website, Bethesda sent an email stating that in "facilitating the download of unauthorized copies of our proprietary computer game, Fallout® 3" they were infringing on their copyright, and requested that they "immediately remove the above referenced webpage from [the] website" They went on to state that "Failure to comply with this request may lead to action for injunctive relief and/or a claim for damages as warranted"

The post came from one of the admin's of the website 'H8MACHINE' and could be considered a big swear from the pirates. Has a war just begun?

You can read can be read the post from 'H8MACHINE' on this link

Or below...

Seems the Developers sent us an email to take this down for and i quote

We write to notify you that nzbsrus.com is infringing on the exclusive rights of Bethesda Softworks LLC, the wholly owned games division of ZeniMax Media Inc. (“ZeniMax”) by allowing or facilitating the download of unauthorized copies of our proprietary computer game, Fallout® 3, developed and owned by our computer games division, Bethesda Softworks.

We hereby demand that you cease and desist from this activity, immediately remove the above referenced webpage from your website, and cease and desist from engaging in any such further infringement of our copyrights in the future. Failure to comply with this request may lead to action for injunctive relief and/or a claim for damages as
warranted. We further demand that you provide us with immediate written assurance that you have taken the necessary steps to remove all such webpages from your website and will prevent any further infringement of ZeniMax’s intellectual property rights.

You know what, you can all kiss my white ass, we do not host any files. This is like asking my phone company to get my phone cut off cause i told my friend over the phone where to get the game. We are Pirates so deal with it.

All Hail the Skulls 'n Bones

Article By: Wesley Lock


UPDATE: It seems that the website in question is currently down. Coincidence? Or has the war just begun...

ANOTHER UPDATE: The website seems to be up and running again, as moderator of the 'site H8MACHINE attempts to mock Bethesda further, with this picture which is apparently the 'pirate' himself...

Tekken to come to the 360?

Holy cow. This is rather big. Tekken 6, the sequel to the long lineage of Tekken fighting games is coming to the 360. This...is a big, big blow for sony. Tekken was a very early title on the original playstation, which some of you may be too young to remember. Tekken Tag was a PS2 launch title. It was at the time a Playstation exclusive and to date has never featured on any other console other than a Playstation for over 13 long years. Has it really been that long? I am so damn old. Anyway, Tekken is the last fighting game domino to fall. First Dead or Alive, then Soul Calibur (other classic PSone fighting games) came to the original Xbox, and now this. Sony have finally lost their dominance of the fighting game genre. Yes, the genre itself has fallen by the wayside over the years but it still has symbolic significance.

With Final Fantasy, Metal Gear, (on the original Xbox) Tekken and more now available on Microsoft consoles, truly the decade of games market dominance by Sony is over. Let this be a lesson to whoever takes the lead from now on that victory is fleeting and you can never afford to get cocky in such a volatile and fluctuating market. The winner of this generation will probably the Wii, but remember Nintendo that you yourselves owned the world with the Nintendo Entertainment System and owned third place with the Gamecube. The real question now is this - is it time for the decade of the Xbox? We shall have to wait and see.

You can read more about this story, click here.

Article by: Edwin Jones


Epic shoot down EA buyout rumour

Sorry to shoot all you EA fanboys down, but it seems Epic won't be bought out by EA - thank God.

The rumour of a possible EA buyout of Epic after they failed to get Rockstar has been running for a week or two and scaring the hell out of most of us. Mark Rein himself, the Vice President of Epic games recently called the rumour 'rubbish' directly. The day is saved! Go and hug a locust, but make sure none of you are using chainsawguns at the same time. It could get messy.

You can read the source of this story, here.

Article by: Edwin Jones


New Sims Head

If having a sequel for Spore so quickly isnt bad enough, EA have appointed a new head for the Sims. Rod Humble, former head of Everquest at SOE has been promoted to senior vice president and the head of the Sims saga, taking over Nancy Smith's job (whoever she is).

“The Sims Label creates original entertainment experiences which are unique in the way they bring culture, interactivity and creativity together,” said Rod Humble. “It is a privilege to lead The Sims Label team as we look forward to new ways of surprising and delighting customers in this rapid growth time for interactive entertainment of all kinds.”

So basically hes going to add orcs into the game then? Prepare for addon 200046: Dungeons and Orcs Pack.

Article by: William Stephen

Nintendo Screw over Gamers Yet Again

According to recent reports the DSi is to be region-locked. If you're not sure what that means, then it basically means 1) Nintendo are being dicks, 2) They've lost the plot again and 3) European DSi games will only work with European handheld consoles and so forth.

Don't threat though, DS games will still remain region free. Like all portable handheld software should be. Speaking to CVG, Cammie Dunanway said...

"DSi is region locked because DSi embeds net communication functionality within itself and we are intending to provide net services specifically tailored for each region. Also because we are including parental control functionality for Nintendo DSi and each region has its unique age limit made by different independent."

What this basically means is that Nintendo are once again doing what they heck they like in order to control its market as much as possible. It also means your better off just sticking with the Nintendo DS. Or what the heck, why not treat yourself to a PSP.

Manhunt 2 to be released in the UK at last?

Woah, load up with holy water and retarded political activist repellent because things just got interesting. Manhunt 2, the most popular game of all time with parents and English tabloid newspapers is to get released in the UK on October 31st, 2008. The game has been effectively banned by the BBFC for the past year as they refused to classify it for its 'obscene' violence, despite the fact they often pass 'torture porn' movies like Hostel though to every major cinema in the country. When called out for not knowing anything about the game or games in general the BBFC had a massive hissy fit and power struggle in which it got bitch slapped by PEGI and everybody with half a brain on the planet. People queued for this shit, and then came back again to queue the next day.

It's about time this game made it to our shores. I don't want to end up living in the Australian gamer ghetto and never getting to play anything that is fun. Still, I guess the Germans have it worse. It's actually against the law to release any Nazi themed games over there, so they don't get any of the old COD games or Wolfenstiens - non Nazi based but still violent games also get banned.

You can read more about this story here.

Article by: Edwin Jones

Spore to get crappy expansion

If you're already bored with Spore, then you can rejoice at the news that an expansion is already set to be released in November.

Named 'Spore Cute and Creepy Parts Pack' it's is probably as shit as it sounds, but is due for release barely two months after the game.

If this does excite you, then you no doubt need to seek medical advice.

No word on whether the expansion will have the Digital Rights Management copy protection that gamers seem to love so much. Maybe Molyneux is right, and the PC gaming market really is 'in tatters'.

Article by: Wesley Lock

Fifa 09 free at Toys R Us!

That's right you can pick yourself up a free copy of Fifa 09 at Toys R Us according to MCV. As long as you get with it an Xbox 360 or a PS3.

So basically, that means you're buying either the unreliable Xbox 360 death machine or a glorified blu-ray player.

But hey, pick it up whilst stocks last! Or head down to Morrisons who are currently selling it for around £25.

Article by: Wesley Lock