Saturday, 4 October 2008

EA Head to Run US Olympic Committee

This has to be the wierdest story I've read in a while. The chairman for EA, Larry Probst has been appointed to the new olympic committee for the US.

"I'm extremely honored to be chosen for this role," Probst told the paper after his election to a four-year term. "I've had a lot of sports experience as a CEO. I've had a very successful business career. I know how to work collaboratively with people. I know how to build and develop a team."

I didnt know that owning a video game company could give you experience in sports. I thought the job of a CEO was to just look at the money beening raked in after doing one shoddy sequel after another with very little changes being made to them?

His main job will be to petition to have the 2016 games held in Chicago.

I wonder what Peter Moore thinks of all this....

Read Full Article here..

Article By: William Stephen

Friday, 3 October 2008

Nintendo Ruin Xmas

Well it looks like Nintendo didn't bother reading our feature this week. According to MCV Nintendo have stated that there will be no price drop for DS or Wii this Christmas. Obviously, they feel no threat from the recent Xbox 360 price slashing by Microsoft. Which can now be picked up cheaper than a Wii.

So it seems that Nintendo have never heard of the words 'Credit Crunch' before. Maybe by the end of the year they will have. Perhaps Nintendo should sit back and have a think about what this could mean for the holiday season...

Just think about poor Timmy. His dad couldn't afford a Nintendo Wii this Christmas. And all because it cost £179.99. Which was £10 more than his budget could allow. So instead, he had to buy little Timmy an Xbox 360, with it's glorious High Definition capabilities and 20gb Hard Drive, for a whole £10 less than the Nintendo Wii. It even had a bigger and better back catalogue of games, with less mini game compilation shite. It died a few months later.

And picture poor little Timmy 2. Who really wanted a Nintendo DS and some games. But his mummy couldn't afford to buy him the two games he wanted with it. So instead, his mummy got him a magical R4 card. Which allowed him to play all games for free! Although, they were subsequently caught. His mum ended up with a criminal record and a prison sentence. Timmy 2 was taken into care.

Hopefully Nintendo will get a bit of festive cheer closer towards the holiday season and change their mind.

Article by: Wesley Lock

Halo movie no longer 100% fragged?

Stuart Beattie, Pirates of the Caribbean, GI Joe has been talking to Gamedaily about the possible future and resurrection of the Halo movie:

The character doesn't start off as Master Chief. He starts off as John, who's the kid that's kidnapped and told he's going to be a soldier. Anyone can connect with a kid kidnapped from his own home. You're along for that journey. The Covenant comes along halfway through that movie. That gives you half the movie to really get to know everyone and care about everyone. And then when the Covenant come along, it's the first time John sees a grunt or a jackal or an elite. The audience is trying to figure out everything at the same time as the characters are. What are these aliens? Why are they killing us? What did we do? And realizing it's all about this Halo ring. And then ending the movie where the first game begins.

Now I love Halo, and I love movies, and this seems to be a MUCH better script idea than last time, when we were allegedly not going to see much of the Chief at all. An audience of non gamers needs to be able to connect with the characters, and the last script didn't do this in my opinion. Now, neither did the final scripts of any of the Resident Evil movies either.

In fact, video game movies are shite. But there is that Bioshock movie coming from Gore Verbinski that has got a pretty good chance of being the first movie based on a game to actually be good. Master Chief as Big Daddy?

Colour me excited, but Hollywood, if it doesn't work out again, how about 2½ hours of Arby and the Chief instead? I'd buy that for a dollar.

Article by: Adam Moore

Molyneux opens mouth, upsets people.

Proving that you don't necessarily need to be popular, or entertaining, or even mildly liked in the gaming industry to make the dolla, Peter Molyneux has once more opened his mouth and this time alienated the entire PC market:

If you look at the gamer market on PC, I'll be quite honest with you, it's in tatters. There aren't that many releases on PC. There are some high points like Crysis and what Blizzard is doing, but other than that you are restricted to The Sims and World of Warcraft, they seem to be dominating the PC side.

Well, thanks for clearing that up Peter, nothing like pissing on everyone who bought your shit games in the first place and got you where you are today now is there?

Next week, see Peter move to Sony and confidently declare the death of the Xbox 360, and how he secretly always knew Microsoft were Paedobears.

Article by: Adam Moore

Nintendo help you walk!

I know this is like, 4 Nintendo posts in a row, but it is their fall press conference, so it's not like we're going out of our way to bash them, they just keep throwing this crap at us. Now Nintendo unveil the DS Pedometer! Yes, Nintendo will help you walk!

Being bundled with a game called 'Your Life Rhythm', which is another wii fit/brain training affair, it is designed to be used with the DS somehow.

Only way I can see it being any fun is if you have to look at the DS while you walk, so not being mindful of your surroundings like Bruce Wayne and therefore becoming roadkill. Which is a fail on Brain training by the way.

Article by: Adam Moore

Thursday, 2 October 2008

Nintendo promises to increase DS and Wii production for this Christmas

Good news Nintendo fans, Nintendo have announced today that are planning to make more of their popular consoles than usual this Christmas. This is to try and avoid the random lottery you needed to win to get one in previous years. They will produce the Wii and the DS in higher numbers so more people will be able to buy them.

This is hopefully a good thing as having trouble making enough consoles 2 years or so after you launch one is truly dire. Let's hope Nintendo can keep to their word instead of just tossing out crappy party games every month and alienating the gamers who got them where they are today.

Click here for more information about the story.

Article by: Edwin Jones

New Nintendo DSi announced, Guitar hero am cry :(

The new Nintendo DS, or the DSi if you're a Nintendo exec with access to Sony's walkman range of phone's, will have 3.25-inch screens - that's 17 % bigger than the current model. It will also feature a 0.3-megapixel camera. Yes, a whole .3 megapixel!

You'll be able to take pictures with the DSi, save them to a SD card and view them on your TV via the Wii. Yes, as if the plethora of party games that make you look like a spasticated mental patient with tourettes wielding a video remote as the number 78 bus goes by isn't enough of a reason to own a Wii, you can now own one to look at incredible poor images at a low res from the comfort of your own home! The price of such a wondrous feature is steep though, the GBA cartridge slot is being done away with.

Which means no more Guitar Hero DS for you. Yes that's right, no Guitar Hero on the DSi. That's even worse than the...fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire! I mean, it's not like they've heavily marketed Guitar Hero on the DS or anything, it's not like it's going to be one of the biggest sellers this xmas. Oh, wait.

Disturbingly, Nintendo's own DSi website also tells us to expect a drop in battery life from 19 hours on the DS, to a potential 9 hours on the DSi.

So, that's pretty shit then. The question I'm left asking is, why gimp the DS for such crap features Nintendo?

Article by: Adam Moore

Five things Nintendo should do instead of working on a new Wii console

With all the recent rumours on the internet suggesting that Nintendo are working on a brand new HD ready Wii console. We thought it would be a good idea to have a look at some of the more important things that Nintendo should be spending their time on.

1 - More First-Party Wii Titles

Where are they? Ok we've had Zelda: Twilight Princess. But was arguably a disappointment, which did little more than previous Zelda titles had done before it (and not as well). Super Mario Galaxy was a great game, but that came out almost a year ago and no-one plays it anymore. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption was good, but it lacked online. In recent times we've only really had Super Smash Bros Brawl to play with, and that's about it. Nintendo aren't bothered though, they spend most of their time counting their money and making 'amazing' stuff like Wii Music. There are numerous titles that Ninty should be working on - new Pikmin, Kid Icarus, Starfox, F-Zero and Pilot Wings titles to name a few. And whilst it seems they're working on a new Punch Out title, we'd really like to see some original stuff please. Apart from Wii Music.

2 - Reduce the Price of the Wiii

In some ways it's the Wii, not the PS3 which is the most expensive gaming console on the market. It's even more expensive than the HD ready Xbox 360. You can even get the premium console for cheaper than the price of a Wii, with its 20gb Hard Drive. Ok, whilst some may regard the Xbox 360 as an unreliable piece of shit, it's still a cheaper piece of shit than the Wii. No doubt Nintendo don't need to bring down the price of its console due to the fact it makes more money than my mum on a night out. But the point is - it should.

3 - Fix the shitty Online Service

Lets face it, the online structure of the Wii is a shambles. Most games are not online, and the ones that are, are often a lagfest. If I wanted to play games with lag then I'd still be on dial-up using a 56k modem. But this is the days of broadband, and where the Xbox 360 has shown what is possible in online gaming. Yes you have to pay for that, but they set the bar. Sony offer a free service which is infinitely better than what Nintendo offer. Sort it out Nintendo - Super Smash Bros is ok, but we want more online support. Or we rough you up or something.

4 - Take LucasArts hostage, and force them to make that Wii Lightsaber game

Yes we've seen Star Wars The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels, but that is NOT the game we've all been waiting for. Everyone knows the lightsaber game we all want, so where is it? We'd sooner kiss a Wookie than play that crappy third person duel style game. We want a fully fledged first person lightsaber title that realistically mimics our actions with the Wii-mote. Remember the awesome Star Wars Trilogy Arcade? Yeah, well a bit like that.

5 -Get Some Quality Control
The Nintendo seal of quality. Remember that? What the fuck happened there then? During the lifetime of the Wii, we have had some of the worst games in years. We've been plagued with more shite party games than we thought was possible. What makes it worse is the fact they often sell well. Take Carnival: Funfair Games for instance. It's shite. Absolute shite. Yet it sells well, and has been one of the bigger selling titles on the Wii with over one million copies sold. No doubt they're not going to want to stop making games that make so much money. But a little quality control would be nice, wouldn't it?

Hopefully you've managed to find something in that list that you can relate to. There is many other things Nintendo could be doing, like making more than one DS game a year. Or sorting out the problem with piracy on the portable touch me up. Though they do seem to be attempting to do just that with the DSi.

However, if there is anything you think should have been included, leave a comment. Or you can always email us with abuse at

Article by: Wesley Lock

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

The new 'Zero Punctuation' is out!

Damn, I love this guy. Today he is "reviewing" Mercenaries 2 and he actually seems to like it (I think, he's never really too clear about that) which is surprising. Don't worry though, even when he says a game is fun or that he likes it he stills rips its asshole open and pours in the hottest chilli sauce he can find. Always good for a laugh that Yahtzee.

Article by: Edwin Jones

God of War creator happy with crap director?

If you were a fan of shite like X-Men: The Last Stand, or the frickin' awful Rush Hour movies, then you can rejoice at the choice of director for the new God of War movie - Brett Ratner.

However it appears that David Jaffe, is pretty content with having Ratner direct his much loved franchise as seen in the video below

The best bit is where he implies how "awesome" it would have been to have Ridley Scott, Steven Spielberg, Guillermo del Toro or Christopher Nolan directing. 'Cos you know, they're not shit.

But hey, Red Dragon wasn't all too bad. So we'll laugh once we've not watched it.

Cited from Videogaming24/7

Article by: Wesley Lock

Monday, 29 September 2008

Duke Nukem 3D XBLA Review

The Xbox 360 has seen quite a lot of 'golden oldies' returning to form on its 'Arcade' online publishing system in the last few years. From Doom to Street fighter, almost every memorable title of the last 20 years that isn't a Nintendo or Sony exclusive has been re-branded and hawked for a few MS points on the 360. Often they include added online features like co-op or online play which the titles may or may not have had in the past but with the added benefit of broadband, it is always an improvement. Sometimes you even get the game running at better resolutions than were available when it was released.

Sadly, time forgets some of it's children and not all of them are remembered well enough to be considered financially viable for the Xbox. Still, every Wednesday something comes out and now and then it is an old classic we have been badly missing. Recently we got a real gem - Duke Nukem 3D.

This is still the Duke Nukem you knew and loved back in 1996 and whilst the sprites and levels haven't aged well compared to the young upstarts of C.O.D. and Halo, they still work well and nothing has been removed. Unlike Duke Nukem 64, you get all the strippers and porn shops you can handle on the 360. For those too young to remember the Duke (and probably too young to be playing as him) he is basically a sarcastic, wise cracking, sexist bad ass who decides that when aliens take over LA and try to steal Earth's women for breeding purposes that they need his size 13 boot planted firmly up their collective assholes. He decides to take on the alien horde not because he is the last fighting man left or because he is the new Space Marine messiah but only because it is time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and he is all out of gum.

Shake It Baby!

This game is not politically correct. There are enemies called pig cops, which are literally mutated pig policemen. There are strippers and porn stars hiding about in levels whom you can pay to show you their breasts. Duke swears, a lot. When you launch a RPG into a weaker enemy and he explodes into multiple giblets Duke will probably reward your hardcore butt kicking with a well deserved exclamation of 'Holy Shit!' The game itself is an old school run and gun sprite based FPS game, but with more twists than just humour and tits. There is a jet-pack, so you can move in true 3D. You can look up and down which in Doom you could not. There are basic physics, so you can blow the environment up and even play a bit of pool. There are the usual pistols, shotguns and machine guns but you also get a shrink ray which lets you stamp on enemies and turn them into paste, not to mention the awesome and crafty pipe bombs. Oh yes, in this game your melee attack isn't a mundane fist or cliche knife - you put your boot directly in the face of any ugly S.O.B. who dares try to take you on and you can do this at the same time as firing you gun, which in 1996 (a long time before Halo separated melee attacks from the main fire button) was revolutionary stuff.

The game has been spruced up a bit for the 360. You get the usual 8 player deathmatch options, but you also get 8 player Co-Op as well, which (if you can find a host that doesn't lag to hell) is awesome fun. No amount of aliens on even the hardest difficulty can withstand the might of 8 Dukes put together. There is also a rather useful rewind function which no other FPS game to date has, which lets you rewind your game when you die to any point previously on that level making the 'quick save and die' play style of the 90's something to be left to rot in the past where it belongs. You can even save the video of the level and send it to friends, Halo 3 style. This works for Deathmatch and Co-Op too, and it really adds something fresh to a 12 year old game. You get all three original chapters and the expansion chapter 'The Birth' for your MS points, which translates into a lot of value for money.

However, this is a 12 year old game, and it has its faults. Level design isn't as up to date as newer games and it can show - finding the red key card can take half an hour just because it was hidden behind a door randomly assigned throughout the level that looks just like every other door but opens when you press X. The graphics and cut-scenes, hilarious as they may be, (remember kids, when the Duke promises to rip off your head and shit down your neck, he MEANS it!) are horribly dated and make the original Metal Gear Solid in game cut-scenes looks like something Pixar drew up. The game is still fun to play but it can be incredibly unfair with Doom style monster closets. The gameplay that was original then can feel very stale now. Lag is also present online despite this being a game designed for 56k modems being played over Broadband due to live chat which kills so many otherwise lag-less games speed wise. It's playable but if you get a poor host you will not be happy. Death-match is also rather stale at times as it is quite hard to shoot tiny 8 pixels sprites in the distance with poor auto-aim and no scoped weapons.

Still, Duke Nukem is an awesome game, even after all this time. With the new live features it has been given a new breath of life and it's ready to rip any game that thinks they can trump the sheer bad-assery of Duke Nukem 'a new one'. If anything, this game is a comedy classic and inspires a real feeling of being a total one-line spilling movie action hero. This game is worth getting but if you don't like the FPS genre or just old FPS games in general, it won't change your mind. For everybody else, this is Doom with better online features, humour and tits. At only 800 MS points it is time for everybody to "Hail to the king baby!"


Reviewed by: Edwin Jones

How We Rate Our Games

We aim to review games in a manner as concise and as honest as possible without compromise. We use what we believe is a novel system which allows us to place games into particular categories instead of assigning them a random number.


If we rate a game with a Gold medal, then it means you HAVE to own this game. It will be the best of its genre. As a result, this will be rarely awarded.


One of the best of its kind. A great effort that may very well deserve your monies. Not without its faults, but certainly something to think about.

A fair attempt. May be average, or plagued by problems. A title that you may want to check out but download the demo or rent it before spending your monies.

Avoid. Do not buy this game. If you see this symbol then it means stay away. If you do end up buying the game despite our warnings then you deserve all the crap you get as a result.

Hopefully our rating system is easy enough to understand. It should be as incredibly in-depth and difficult market research was undertaken in order to test the validity of such a system. Men died for this research by the dozen. It showed that even unborn babies were able to grasp its simple concept. If you can't then you really are perturbed and you shouldn't be reading this at all.

Parental Guidance