The 5 types of people who play the Wi

Yes you read that right. There are five types of people who play the Nintendo Wii. You’re probably wondering if you’re on the list aren’t you? Well, the chances of us putting your name specifically down are rather slim. But if you play the Wii then you will no doubt fit into one of the categories. So which category do you fit into?

Kids

That’s right. Kids love a bit of the Wii. Not only does it have a silly name, but it gives them the opportunity to wave the Wiimote around like a deranged lunatic. The Wii is great for kids. It gives them numerous Ninty delights from Mario to Sonic and Mario, and all the mini game compilations under the rainbow. They can even play Manhunt 2 on it now.

Kids are not as bothered about First Person Shooters or online gaming. And they are too busy playing Carnival Funfair games to care about Little Big Planet. Nintendo rule the kids.

Games they are likely to play – Wii Sports, Mario Galaxy, Carnival Funfair Games, Super Smash Bros Brawl, Carnival Funfair Games, Rayman: Raving Rabbids, Manhunt 2.

The Old

Conversely, just as kids love the Wii just because it has a silly name and they can wave the remote around like a deranged lunatic, so does elderly peeps. Although, they don’t do it so quick, they don’t want to be playing up their Arthritis now.

But if you’re stupid enough to think that they are going to go buy and play the likes of Mario Galaxy, Zelda or Metroid Prime then you’re dumb enough to work for Sony’s marketing team. Nintendo know that if you show some elderly pecker some a bit of Wii sports, they they’ll be mimicking a Wimbledon Tennis OAP final in a matter of no time. And then have some strawberries and cream to celebrate. Not too much cream though, all that cream wouldn’t be too good for them.

That’s right, if they see a kid or a relative playing the Wii, then they’ll take over for an hour or two. Or maybe they’ll just steal it. Failing that, then they’ll just use their pension money to buy their own one. Nintendo are smart enough to know that by releasing something like Wii fit, oldies will lap it up. Messing about on that Wii fit bored is almost as good exercise as walking down the post office 4 hours before it opens to get their pension before anyone else.

Yes, to the elderly Wii fit is the answer to all their problems. Don’t expect them to buy much software though.

Games they are likely to play – Wii Sports, Wii Fit.

Non Gamers

Usually sheep who see the Wii as the new ‘in’ thing. It’s the new iPod, and its gaining more and more popularity. It’s a bit like a zombie film, where the outbreak begins with one or two people and then cascades into a horde of undead. Undead who are not unlike some of the sheep who like to pretend they are cool because they’ve ‘got a Wii’. They don’t even play the fucking thing except for when a friend comes round - and only then it's to show it off.

You see it works like this. A friend shows someone the Nintendo Wii, and they play a bit of Wii Sports and think ‘wow this is like really cool’ and go out and buy their own Nintendo Wii. But they don’t really play it, not until they have a friend come over, and then they show it off to that friend... Who thinks ‘wow this is like really cool’ and so they go out and buy a Wii, and show it to another one of their friends. And so on and so on until the Human race is ultimately doomed.

This also includes all the fatties that really do think Wii fit will help make them slim, when in reality they should be eating less burgers and getting some fresh air and exercise. Yes there are some fatties, sorry, ‘obese’ people who play videogames, but they are usually playing World of Warcraft. And everyone knows that World of Warcraft isn’t a real game.

Games they are likely to play – Wii Sports, Wii fit, some other game they happened to get free. So something a bit shit normally.

Nintendo Fanboys

These are often the bunch that really fuck you off. They can often be caught sprouting off shit like the graphics don’t matter, or that online gaming is just a phase. They will try and tell you how the Wii is the best because it offers you a new way to play games. Deep inside they may be just as bored and stopped playing it two months after getting it like everyone else. But they won’t admit it. They may also have an Xbox 360 hidden away so no-one knows.

They are happy that there is only a new AAA game every 100 years, as it gives them more time to play the last AAA game they bought.... (and no doubt stopped playing after a week or so). They also do not mind that the Wii is just a rebranded GameCube and are gullible enough to buy the same Nintendo games over and over again because Ninty are the best and everything else should be ashamed for not being made by Nintendo.

They probably brought a GameCube, in fact they probably brought two GameCube’s just to help out.

Games they are likely to play – 90% of all the games released on the Wii. May also own multiple copies of some games - especially Mario Galaxy.

Pirates

You can’t escape without a whiff of pirates nowadays. And the Wii is not safe either, it’s highly pirated as is the Xbox 360. The PS3 isn’t though. Because no-one cares about the PS3. Not only can pirates download and play Wii games, but they can also download and play GameCube games and even all of the Virtual Console games for free as well.

There is a slight chance that Nintendo fanboys are also pirating Nintendo games. Although it’s pretty moot, as they end up buying a couple of the games they download as a way of saying sorry, and supporting Nintendo’s dominance. At least their fans are loyal, 360 fanboys couldn’t give a shit.

Games they are likely to play - Anything they can get their piratey mitts on.

So there you have it. If you’re not there, read it again and you’ll no doubt be able to place yourself somewhere. But if you can’t, that could be because you stopped playing the Wii a week after getting it once the novelty wore off and went back to your Xbox 360 instead. See you online laters.

Article By: Wesley Lock

Gamestation Online Service = Shit!

As I posted earlier on in the week, Gamestation reduced the price of their real life size Gears of War 2 Lancer Rifle. Well I got my copy today (yes a DAY late!) and when I came to open it, let's just say the chainsaw wasn't complete...


As you can see by the crosshairs (I'm guessing that's what that piece is supposed to be) have snapped in half. The pictures are of a rather poor quality I know, this cannot be helped as I only had my mobile phone camera to use at the time. The pictures show ALL the packaging it came with. There was no packaging on the top of the box, only polystyrene at the bottom so it's almost guaranteed that it broke as soon as it was packaged. Even before I opened it the chainsaw gun was moving from side to side inside the box. This picture also shows the box was pretty damp as well.

This picture shows the contents of the game and batteries for the lancer rifle. Notice the tears in it, they were actually there before I even opened it. I slightly made the tear on the left a bit bigger to get the game out.

Here are some more shots of the broken bits. I've never seen something packaged so badly before, and I've bought goods on ebay!.

Gamestation had better give me a replacement unless of course the postal service that sent this decided to have a looksie inside and buggered it up. If that is the case, they can pay for the replacement as I sure as hell am not. Has anybody else has the same problem? Please write in to let us know.

Article By: William Stephen

Dead Rising 2 - Not Dead?

In 2006, a rather good little Zombie game came out and surprisingly it wasn't a Resident Evil game. It was made by Capcom who sadly said they were not working on a sequel. The Internet mourned and moved on.

Like all good zombies though, the rumour of Dead Rising 2 will not die. Reports have come out that Capcom have licenced it out to another studio repeatedly, but nothing was ever really confirmed. Sadly, all we have today is another rumour but there are so many of these flying around you just know Capcom are up to something. They wouldn't turn down the almost free money a sequel would earn.

The rumour has it that 'Blue Castle', a relatively unknown Canadian studio are working on Dead Rising 2. I hope this is true as no other game lets you take lawnmowers to literally *hundreds* of the undead at once in 3D. None that I know of anyway.

Please Capcom, let there be a sequel!

You can read more about this, here.

Article by: Edwin Jones

Red Alert 3 to come to PS3 - next year (maybe)

Poor old Sony.

During this busy winter season big games are coming out thick and fast for everybody, but the PS3 will definetly not get two of the biggest titles, Left for Dead and Red Alert 3 before Christmas. Heck, it may not get left for dead at all. The good news however is that EA are working on Red Alert 3 again after suspending development in favour of focusing on the PC and 360 versions earlier this year.

There is no chance that the PS3 will see this rather cool RTS game before Christmas but that is probably a good thing for all our wallets. It's nice to see the RTS bug catching on to more than just the 360. Maybe one day we will get RTS games just like we get FPS games on consoles eh? I remember a long time ago when the word 'half-life' and 'console' uttered in the same sentence were pure heresy and stupidity rolled into one. I am glad those days are over.

You can read more about this story here.

Article by: Edwin Jones

Company of Heroes to get a new expansion?

Well, it seems that yet again Relic refuse to let a good game die. Good on them. After years of keeping Dawn of War alive with updates and add on packs, it seems Company of Heroes is to get the same treatment. It already received an add on that let you play as the British instead of just Yanks and Nazis but now it will get another one called Company of Heroes: Tales of Valor.

Nothing specific has been announced as of yet apart from new units and new maps, which were kind of a given. I guess they could let you play as the French or the Italians but the only special move you would be able to give them would be a white surrender flag or a collaboration government. Maybe they will let you send death threats to French and Italians soldiers against their families if they refuse to bow down to the Nazis? I doubt it, but it would be historically accurate and awesome all in one go.

You can read more about this story, here.

Article by: Edwin Jones

New Left 4 Dead Videos

Mmmmmmm.

Nothing is quite as delicious as four player online co operative Zombie slaying. We've been watching these game for a while and it looks rather good. Still, these promotional videos EA released last last week do a good job of making it seem even better with absolutely no in game footage which is quite a feat.

First up, we have the intro video for the game itself. It's rather long at over 4 minutes but it does give you an insight into the characters and what they are like. Considering all the gameplay footage we have all seen over the last year had little dialogue, this is a keeper. I wonder how long it will be before introductory videos go the way of the cut scene and use in game video rather than FMV?



We also have a rather good TV spot for the game which consists of slices of the intro footage with a selection of novel quotes. It is made even more awesome by the soundtrack which is actually the song 'Grounds for divorce' by the Mancunian band Elbow. Epic. You need to go buy this song off iTunes immediately. Watch this video to see why.



As an aside, I went to see the new James Bond movie this weekend, and I saw more game adverts than movie adverts before it started. Dead Space, Gears of War 2, the Quantum of Solace game - they were all there. With all these TV slots as well, I think this Christmas is the one that shows the world just how far games have come.

Article by: Edwin Jones

GoW 2 Real Life Rifle Reduced

I just got an email from Gamestation a couple of hours ago. You may have heard that they have had a world exclusive to distribute the lifesize lancer rifle (the not so cool but still ok gold one, unlike the picture above which is the US version). This and the game was going to cost £130, some £50 more than the US version, However they have informed me that it's been reduced to only £80. Bargain!

Unfortunately they sold out on preorders ages ago so haha!!!!

Edit: After doing some browsing on the gamestation website, they have infact listed it as only £59.99. I have emailed them about this and will post my findings as soon as possible.

ANOTHER Edit: Gamestation have said that their website has an old link, so the price is £79.99. Funny how they say its an old link, cause if it was it shouldnt be shown on google...

Article by: William Stephen